I suppose:
Or perhaps the wanted ads in the Oban Times.
Why does a brewery need one, I hear no one ask. Well it’s because the boss has signed the pledge. He is the boss of a brewery and has decided to forgo the pleasures of drink. He is the Colonsay and Oransay Temperance Society Chairman, Secretary but not sole member. No Keith has been joined in that loosely constituted but elite body of men by no less and personage the Bob the Brewer. However Bob's membership has had to be adjusted to associate status on account of his falling of the wagon the first time he got within spitting distance of the Colonsay Bar. "Just a diet coke for me," he was heard to say quickly followed by "bugger it I'll have a pint of IPA".
At least we only need to find a little spittoon for the brewery tasting sessions. And if we join eBay we'll be able to get rid of it again at the end of the month when Keith, as planned, rejoins the real world.
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Yes you remember - it’s the salmon that John West Rejects that makes John West the best.
It’s on a par with:
I liked the blade so much I bought the company.
The Man from Del Monte he say YES
Well the boss from the Isle of Colonsay Brewing Company he say no - and he's not even drinking.
Seriously we are talking about our worst setback to date and the saddest thing on this island since Adam was a lad. Our last brew of lager seemed reluctant to ferment at even its usual slow pace. We never rush it but this brew was taking an age and getting no where fast. Eventually when the fermentation appeared to have stopped completely it was put over into the conditioning tank as usual but alarm bells were ringing in the minds of brewers Bob and Chris. The brew was put under intense scrutiny and carbonated as usual and found to be wanting. Not seriously, but not good enough to put out. Keith reckoned it was about 9 out of 10 on our usual, an opinion expressed after spitting out the lager in accordance with the item above.
We took advice from George (remember him) still only a phone call away and eventually concluded it wasn't good enough and wasn't going to get any better. So. Find a handkerchief. The tap was opened and 1400 pints of lager was disposed of - the hard way.
An inquiry was held, records of the brew read and re read and more calls and we concluded the lack of fermentation was down to a shortage of naturally occurring zinc in our water supply.
We learnt the zinc level is likely to drop at times of low rainfall and high usage. You know we've had nothing but sunshine all summer and the island's been hootching - zinc shortage.
Tip toe round the brewery - we're not in a laughing mood.
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No not more lack of beer nonsense. This a true irony.
Here on Colonsay and our wee neighbour Oransay considerable effort is put into protecting the rare old bird the Corncrake, or the Crex Crex as I think it may be known.
Our East Africa sales team discovered that over there they are not so rare and are indeed even killed for the pot by passing peasants.
They are, report the team, delightful if not a little thin on the meat side. Here is an adapted recipie for anyone who should come across a dead Crex Crex that looks eadible.
They do not need hung like game but should be plucked and drawn straight off, especially if found lying by the side of the road.
The birds should simply be halfed and then browned in Olive Oil.
Once a nice colour pour over a couple of spoons full of flour and mix in. Then, the magic ingredient: add half a pint of Colonsay 80/- ale and some bay leaves and black pepper. Stew for about 45 minutes or until the flesh is coming away from the bone, then serve.
They are of course protected so don't kill one just to try out the recipie.
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The below of course means that for the second month running we will not be at the Glasgow farmers market. We are Committed to these markets and they work for us but we need a decdent level of stock to take to make it worthwhile once the ferry and stall charges are taken into consideration.
We will be back in October, if we still have a space, and everymonth thereafter.
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It had to happen. We are very nearly the brewery with no beer. Sales have, you will have gathered by now, greatly exceeded all expectations and the result is that by the end of August we had just a smattering of bottles of the three beer styles left in stock.
The mini kegs have sold well, hotel sales along with those in the shop and the pantry have been bouyant and so we are having to wait for beer. An 80/- should be ready tomorrow - IPA will be started as soon as possible. More capacity is urgently being sourced.
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